Day 5, Dec 7th: The Soup Diet, Allergies, and The Squirrel Analogy

Allergies: people have them. My best friend from high school, for example. Great kid. Good bone structure. Horrifically allergic to insect stings. Got a wasp trapped under her swimsuit this one time and, let me tell you, it's all fun and games until someone starts to scream and swell and leg it to the principal's office so the principal can stab them in the thigh with an epi-pen the size of your forearm.

Billy vs lactose intolerance

Less horrifically, I have some food intolerances. On the bright side, I don't know what foods I'm intolerant to. Each time I eat something it's like playing Russian roulette with my intestines. Enter topic from left field: healthy diets.

For your convenience, I've formulated the following diet equations for the variables taste, food preparation effort, healthiness, satiety, and money for the population 'Multi-Child-Single-Parent-Household Town, Plebiansville.'

Healthiness + Taste + Effort + Multi-Child-Single-Parent-Household + Satiety = - Money

Meal plan: Low fat greek yoghurt served with sliced honeydew on rye bread for breakfast, 200g slice of vegan quiche for lunch, ratatouille for dinner

Healthiness + Multi-Child-Single-Parent-Household + Money = - Taste - Effort - Satiety

Meal plan: Canned asparagus all day every day

Healthiness + Multi-Child-Single-Parent-Household + Money + Taste + Effort = - Satiety

Meal plan: Soup.

As a denizen of Multi-Child-Single-Parent-Household Town, Plebiansville, yesterday our household pledged allegiance to the soup diet in accordance with our survival plan "Avoid bankruptcy and also obesity."

Feel great on the soup diet. Cleanse your body of toxins on the soup diet. Experience the second coming of the messiah on the soup diet. Blah, etcetera, health benefits, baby skin, blah.

Problem is, like a lot of normal people, I don't eat all that much unless someone tells me to control my eating: then I'm like like a squirrel getting their first whiff of winter, running pel-mel through the forest underbrush crying with it's paws full of delicious acorns while all the other squirrels hound it for trying to store it's nuts mid-July.